Confused about what I’m supposed to be doing…Need guidance?
Okay, so I’m supposed to gain weight. In 8th grade I was anorexic, but forced myself to recover and eat so I wouldn’t have to go to therapy and basically humiliate my whole family including myself. So now I’m basically a total junk foodie. Yuck. I know. Seriously, I’ll eat lots of pastries, candies, sweets, etc every day. I don’t want to get diabetic nor do I want to become overweight. So far, I haven’t really gained that much weight (this has been going on since last spring) but I know it’s gonna catch up with me.
The reason my weight hasn’t really caught up is that I had acid reflux. Now, I’m not sure if my hypothesis is correct, but my acid reflux stopped, yet I was so used to throwing up I still do it anyways. Like, my stomach HAS to do it to feel normal. Sometimes, I still make myself throw up just so I won’t see any excess weight OR because not throwing up just doesn’t feel right.
But like I said, I’m gaining weight. Recently, my jeans have been feeling tighter and I’ve been beating myself up over it. What I want to know is: how can I find equilibrium with my eating habits and finally be at peace? No anorexic habits, but no unhealthy eating. Basically, be a normal person with normal attitudes towards food?
In case this help: I’m 5’6, 108 pounds, and 15 years old.
Stop throwing up. The stomach acid has inflamed your esophagus, which is why it hurts and causing heart burn. Any throwing up you do will make it worse again and take longer to heal. When you feel the urge to throw up, just tell yourself that you want to be healthy and do something else to distract yourself. If you feel you have overeaten, don’t throw up. Just eat less and exercise a little more the rest of the day or the next day (depending upon when you overate).
As for gaining weight, you are still underweight so it’s fine to continue gaining. However, you do need to be concerned about what you are eating. Start concentrating on the quality rather than quantity so much. For example, you can have 1400 calories of healthy foods or 1400 calories of junk Both are 1400 calories, but your body will do much better with the healthy foods, especially recovering from eating disorder.
Eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies, moderate amounts of lean protein and whole grain carbs. Cut out the junk. That is a bad habit to get into. You can allow yourself a small treat each week. This keeps you from feeling deprived and gives you something to look forward to the rest of the week.
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